today's chuckle from Ma Peeker

[Peter Peeker]

A young lady went to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet.

She spotted a box full of frogs with a sign that said "Sex Frogs $20. Complete instructions included. Money Back Guarantee!" The girl looked around to see if anyone was watching her and whispered softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one."

As soon as she closed the door to her apartment, she read the instructions
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy teddy.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog on the bed.

Following the instructions exactly, she quickly got into bed with the frog. Nothing happened.

The girl was totally frustrated and quite upset. She re-read the instructions and noticed at the bottom of the paper it said, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store."

She called and was told by the salesman, "I had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over" Within five minutes he rang doorbell and was welcomed in.

"See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there," said the frustrated girl.

The salesman picked up the frog, stared directly into its eyes and said ...."Listen up frog. I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"
[img]tongue.gif[/img]

[Biohazard]

[img]graemlins/thumbs_up.gif[/img]

[grail25]

Lol!!

If I may had one of the memo I just received...

Memo From Human Resources

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of
normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended,
this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize
the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings
when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of 10 New and
Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that proper exchange
of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

2) TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a ball-busting b__ch.

3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f______ way.

5) TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh__ing me!

6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

7) TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f______ problem.

8) TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

9) TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.

10) TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f____ didn't you tell me sooner?

[Drau]

LOL on both!

If that frog thing is a pyramid scheme; where do I sign up? [img]wink.gif[/img]

[Peter Peeker]

I wish I knew....
nice one, Grail! [img]graemlins/thumbs_up.gif[/img]

[grail25]

Thank you!

[KillerKanuck]

Here's another one:

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel, and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.

Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerated her, and some of the males actually joined in.

One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched.

"STOP!" he shouted in a firm voice. Have you got a license for that thing?". Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper, and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted "STOP!Have you got proof of insurance?" Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster, and held it up to him.
Harold nodded and said "Carry on, ma'am."

As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, stark naked, with a very sizable erection.

"Oh, Jesus Christ," cried Ethel, "not the Breathalyzer again!"

[KillerKanuck]

And another...

Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he could not. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:

"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go..."

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, Whispering:

Dave............

..............you're a vet".

[Darkest Angel]

HAW!!!!!!!!!!!! @ everyone...

[Andyman]

Double Haw!

Heard on Bob & Tom:

A man and his young son were at a horse stable. After being shown a particular horse the man starts to feel the horse with his hands. He massages the horse's legs, flanks and other parts. Confused, the boy asks his father what he was doing. "Well son", he said, "When you're looking to buy a horse, you want to feel it all over to make sure it's healthy" "Oh", said the son, "then mom must be planning on buying a UPS driver!"